


Winter Blues

by 5secondsoflashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Ashton hates Christmas, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of past abuse, What is this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 08:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5532983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5secondsoflashton/pseuds/5secondsoflashton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton's never been lucky with the Christmas season.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter Blues

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas everyone. This is something I just whipped up over the past hour for a Christmas treat. I'm still working on my Lashton with side Malum and Phan robot au, which is currently at 28k. Hopefully, it will be up soon.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this train wreck. Feel free to feed back to me here or on my tumblr which is [ghouluke](http://ghouluke.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Please don't repost this anywhere else.

Ashton hated Christmas. While the holiday season was the hated time of year, it wasn’t the concept of Christmas that he hated. He hated the way that he seemed to have the worst luck at Christmas time.

It started when he was five, too young to understand what Christmas was truly about, more engaged in the idea of presents. That kind of innocence was precious, allowing children to have a secure, safe place to feel at home. It’d been that way for Ashton, until that one year.

Christmas Eve that year wasn’t something Ashton ever wanted to remember. He’d been at one of his friends’ house all day, playing with their toys while they discussed what they hoped Santa would bring them. When he was dropped home, however, the boy found his mother crying on the sofa, his father nowhere to be found. She’d tried to make a brave face to Ashton, who was very confused, but gently explained that his father wasn’t going to be home for Christmas.

(Forget about just that one Christmas, Ashton’s father was never home again.)

When Ashton was nine, he had a younger sister and a new baby brother to share his days with. His mother had had a few serious relationships to have the children, but they ended fairly quickly, leaving Ashton to act as a father figure to the children.

He’d spent hours and hours over the December days buying, wrapping and tagging loads of presents for his siblings. His gran had gone out with him to buy all these gifts and to help him pick them out, as his mum was busy caring for newborn baby, Harry, and three year old, Lauren.

On Christmas morning, Ashton had woken up early, desperate to go downstairs not only to see what Santa had bought, but to give his siblings his presents. All he got though was his mum, hunched over the kitchen table with a sombre look on her face. Reminders of the Christmas four years ago did reach Ashton’s mind, however, this one felt like even more of a kick in the face when his mum told him that his gran wasn’t coming round for Christmas dinner after all.

(Just like Ashton’s dad, although for different reasons, he never saw his gran again.)

Aged fourteen, Ashton had felt like he’d figured himself out. He’d never really found girls attractive like his male friends, had been too busy making googly eyes at a boy two years older than him on the student council. He came to the conclusion that he was gay and didn’t really think much about it from then on.

His crush on Student Council Boy gradually became worse and worse from the start of the term, as the date neared to December. Ashton could barely handle the pining from afar, so he decided to take matters into his own hands and do something.

Christmas felt like a perfect time to admit his feelings, due to the chirpy festive atmosphere and as Ashton was so set on doing it, he forgot his previous Christmas run ins with bad luck. Nothing was going to stop him from doing that.

On the last day before his school broke up for the holidays, Ashton had rallied himself up to give his card and present to Student Council Boy just before they left for home. The fourteen year old had stopped him outside his classroom, the boy giving him a perplexed look. A present and card were handed over and Ashton had urged him to open it, despite Christmas being a week away.

When the boy glanced at Ashton with a sad expression on his face and explained that he didn’t like boys in that way, Ashton was mortified.

(It didn’t help that when he came back after winter break, some of the older students had heard about his confession and decided he was the new target to mock.)

Over the years after his fourteenth, Ashton continued to have even small irritations at the festive season that left him angry and his hatred just built. He dreaded every time November was almost over and wished that he could live in a pit for the whole of the winter month.

That led him to the Christmas when he was twenty-one years old. Ashton was done with Christmas. Earlier that year, he’d bought a home in Sydney and he very much planned to spend the Christmas days alone, where he could wallow in self pity. He’d told his mum he wasn’t spending Christmas with them, and she’d just sighed and let him do what he liked.

So, here he was at 10am on Christmas morning, sitting on his sofa, nursing a beer in his right hand. He didn’t care if it was too early to drink. He just wanted to wash away all the negative emotions he got around this time; he didn’t want to remember the absolute shit fest of things he’d had gone wrong over the years.

When his doorbell rang, he almost didn’t answer it. Ashton figured it may have been his mother attempting to coax him away to the small family meal they were having. He ended up having to answer when the person on the other side of the door wouldn’t stop ringing.

“Fucking hell, Ashton. It’s 10am and you’re drinking beer.”

No, no, no, no, no. Ashton couldn’t have this, couldn’t have _him_ here at his doorstep now. Anyone else he could deal with, could tell them to leave and feel perfectly okay with it landing on his conscience, but not him.

The tall blond on his doorstep, Luke, pushed past him and came into his home. Ashton was fucked. Back when he was seventeen, he’d joined a band with Luke and two of his friends, Calum and Michael. Well, from that moment he was absolutely smitten with Luke. He couldn’t help it. The blond was just so small and cute and everything he did was like Ashton was watching the sun explode before his eyes; he was so bright.

Now, when Ashton shut his front door and turned around, he was stunned even further into silence by Luke. There was a beanie tightly pulled over his floppy fringe and he had let his stubble grow into more of a scruff that now lined his jaw. Even though it was fucking hot outside, Luke was wearing a Christmas jumper with a reindeer on it, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“Why has your mum told me you’re spending Christmas alone? Ashton, what is this about?” Luke had his arms folded across his chest. “You can come eat with my family if you like? If the problem is with yours.”

“No, I’m fine. I just want some time to myself.”

Luke wasn’t convinced, moving closer to Ashton, who was still standing by the door. Ashton couldn’t have Luke here like this. If he was, God, Ashton knew this would just be another shitty Christmas. He would end up doing something stupid like kissing Luke and he couldn’t handle that rejection. It wasn’t like Student Council Boy, who he’d had a petty crush on, he was full on in love with Luke and had been keeping it to himself for going on four years.

“Can you just go, Luke? I’m sure your family are missing you. Go and be with them.”

His words did nothing to sway Luke, as the blond was now pulling off his boots, placing them by the door. “If you won’t go and have Christmas with anyone else, I’m going to have Christmas with you. My family say it’s fine; I’ll go there tomorrow or this evening. I’m not leaving you on your own.”

Ashton couldn’t have that. He couldn’t be the one to ruin Luke’s Christmas. “Honestly, I’m fine. Please go back to your family.”

Once Luke had shaken his head and given him a soft smile, Ashton couldn’t take it, and yelled at Luke. God, he yelled so much. He was telling him to leave, that Ashton wasn’t worth leaving his family over. Ashton could get by on his own.

When the blond had asked what was wrong, why Ashton was _really_ doing what he was, the twenty-one year old broke. He snapped like a rubber band against flesh. Everything came pouring out of his mouth at once about his dad, his nan, Student Council Boy, and every little thing in-between.

“...I can’t take you being here either! I can’t, Luke! This won’t end well. It won’t. I can’t take the rejection. I can’t take you leaving and walking out of my life. It’ll hurt even more knowing I’ll see you at work and you’d hate me. God, you’ll hate me so much and it’ll be so awkward and I know Calum and Michael will take your side, because they’ve known you for longer and that's okay! They won’t care that I’m the one that’s so in love with you and just got flat out rejected, because even if they don’t care for you in the same way I do, they still love you more than they love me. More than anyone loves me. I just- fuck!”

Ashton stopped his yelling, but was still breathing heavily, all the fight drained out of his body. Luke’s silence and wide eyes helped set the panic into his body about what the fuck he’d just said.

“Fuck, please go, Luke. Don’t make this any worse for me. Go to your family now.”

At the sight of Luke once again not going, Ashton shouted the word go at him over and over, but Luke was getting closer to him, rather than going around and out of the door.

Luke gently breathed out some calming words, before his hand was on Ashton’s cheek, moulding around his jaw. Ashton’s breath hitched and in some twisted part of his mind, he was thinking that Luke may hit him (just like those kids back at school). He hated himself for that thought. Luke was pure, so, so pure.

“Please stop me if this isn’t what you want.”

With that, Luke was leaning in, his eyes staring into Ashton’s as he did so. Ashton couldn’t move. When Luke was just an inch away from Ashton’s lips, he stopped, clearly wanting to be very sure that Ashton wanted him. Ashton’s response was to just kiss Luke himself, as clearly the blond didn’t mind if he was the one who’d leaned in. He really hoped that it wasn’t in aid of pity.

They kissed for a while, just slowly and soft and sweet. Ashton felt like he’d been reborn, that Luke’s lips were warming him up all over. Luke’s hand on his cheek felt like an anchor, that if he let go, Ashton would melt into a puddle on the ground or it was stopping him from running away from the utter mortification of his earlier outburst.

Luke was the first to speak when they moved their lips apart. “Let me break your bad Christmases, Ash. I love you. Come eat with my family?”

Staring into Luke’s glistening blue eyes, Ashton felt like he’d finally found peace. “Y-yeah, okay.”

(For his twenty-third Christmas, Ashton couldn’t believe his eyes when Luke got down on one knee during breakfast and asked Ashton to marry him.)


End file.
